OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
