Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
