I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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