i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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