I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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