I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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