I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
