i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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