I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she told me i tasted like america
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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