I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
