Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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