So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
