Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
