I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
