I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
