We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
