i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
