she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
