I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
