He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
