Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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