I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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