I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
