I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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