the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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