i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
