did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
