remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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