my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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