You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
