First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
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Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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