Come see our sink grown plant.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
