I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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