you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
