OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
