I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
