erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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