There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
