If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize