Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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