3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
