Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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