i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
