Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
