8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
