That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
