Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
