Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
