I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
