he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
