I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
