Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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