Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
