I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
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While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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