We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
