We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We were destined to go to rehab together
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
