Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
