So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
