Got a toothbrush?
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
