And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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