You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
