I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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