so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
