You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
MIDGETS
????
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
