i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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