That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We smell like vodka and hangover
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