dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
