Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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