I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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