as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
