Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
