I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
