the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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