I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
