Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
