Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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