woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
