Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
