Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize