and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
