In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
