gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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