Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
