he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
