The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
