dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
