I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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